My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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