At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
