**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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