I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
