And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
