so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just google imaged poop.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
