...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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