i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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