I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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