My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
