thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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