he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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