You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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