It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
