***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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