I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
