Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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