i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The power of my boobs compel you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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