The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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