No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize