dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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