I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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