Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
