I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's shark week go big or go home
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
