dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
