hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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