I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
