so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
