I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm at about main and main street
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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