oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
