I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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