girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
