Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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