how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
