I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
