Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He did a backflip because drugs
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