Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
