Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
