The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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