No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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