im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
