i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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