At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
how drunk are you?
Several
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