i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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