How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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