he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think your dad took our porno
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
