Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
