I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
