I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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