My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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