I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
