I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
