His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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