I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
