If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
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He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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