im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
