So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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