Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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