you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't notice because vodka
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
