I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
