We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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