After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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