Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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