When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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