Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
