she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
