it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
