all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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