So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
