..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
