I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
