Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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