Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There r osticjed everywhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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