It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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