My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
