# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Someone signed my nipple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
