your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
