Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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