Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
