i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
