My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
