You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am naked and annoyed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
