hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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