He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
