We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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