I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
