trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
