i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
