meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
